I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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