He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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