my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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