Kiss
Puke
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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