The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
