i think my tv is drunk
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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