Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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