You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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