If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
