I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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