Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
