You work out of a Hotel?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
