sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
