Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
