i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
