Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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