im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
