Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
