she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
