Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
