Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was confusing and full of hummus
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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