is your mom at the bar?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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