she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
