So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
