There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
