i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
