I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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