i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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