Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
