Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
