$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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