remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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