did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
