Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
