as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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