Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
