a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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