I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
