Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
