Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
