Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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