So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
