I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
