my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
