I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
