i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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