eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
