worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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