That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
