shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
